You've met the person of your dreams and decided to spend the rest of your lives together.

You think each other are greatest things since peanut butter and jelly, and you cannot keep your hands off of each other.

Several months later, you are so busy writing thank you notes and working to save for a house that you realize you haven't been between the sheets together in weeks.

Or maybe you have been married for 30 years, and you forget what intimacy even is.

Both of these things are common, said Dawn Lithropt, a marriage and relationship educator and coach.

Lipthrott said when people first fall in love, neurochemicals such dopamine and phenylethylamine (PEA) increase in production, which increases desire.

At some point, the chemicals go back to normal and the urge can drop off. That's when little irritations and anxieties can pop up and things may change.

It's completely normal and doesn't mean you are with the wrong person or that the person has changed, Lipthrott said.

"Chances are you could leave the relationship, get into another one and within a year or two, find yourself in the same spot," she said. "A good marriage or partnership is built by learning how to become good partners to one another."

And it doesn't mean it's time to live without sex, either.

Ditch The Sweats

One expert says many couples have it wrong. They get all dressed up go to work and then come home and throw on comfy. Couples overlook looking good for each other.

Sometimes getting back in the groove can be just as simple as taking off the sweatpants, said Mort Fertel, author of Marriage Fitness.

"Ironically, we get decked on special occasions when there are 100 other people in the room," he said. "You should be doing that for each other. Your mate is the one you want to turn on."

He recommends having a date night and getting dressed up like you did the first time you went out.

Fertel also said diet and exercise are important. They improve your appearance and help your confidence by giving you more energy and overall vibrance.

"Those characteristics are seductive and make you feel more sexual, and in turn that also makes us more desirable," he said.

Lipthrott said caring about your appearance enhances your sexuality, both for your partner and for you.

"Sometimes a person's sexual life suffers because they are embarrassed about their own body," she said. "For both men and women sight, smell, taste, touch and sound are all part of the sexual experience, and each contributes or detracts from sexual enjoyment."

Have An Affair -- With Your Spouse

Even if you think your partner is dead sexy, it doesn't mean you'll be tearing each other's clothes off the second you walk in the door. Life gets in the way.

"Sometimes couples try to squeeze it in at 11 p.m. when one or both are exhausted," Lipthrott said.

Scheduling some bedroom time doesn't have to be boring or monotonous. Creating date nights or an occasional overnight getaway is essential, especially if you have children.

Fertel recommends couples getting a room once a month and having a baby sitter watch the children. He said the excitement of a new place and mystery can be amazing and feel exciting.

"It is a wonderful thing to have an affair with your spouse," he said.

Fertel also said people should keep their kids out of the bedroom at all times.

"Your bedroom should not be Grand Central Station. It should be a sacred place for husband and a wife," he said. "You should feel safe, like intimacy can occur at any time and you can be spontaneous."

Setting The Mood

Once you've got the desire and the time, it can help keep the momentum and desire going before and long after.

Lipthrott said it can be as simple as creating a positive environment. Laughing together, smiling more and appreciating each other can be a real aphrodisiac.

"Don't just wait until you are in the mood to do something nice," she said.

Putting thought into the moment can also go a long way. Break out special perfume, light some candles and play some soft music.

Creating something to look forward to and long for can be a turn on. Make sure you leave yourself enough time for kissing, cuddling and maybe a sensual massage.

You can also keep it fun by switching things up now and then. Don't do the same things, the same way, every time. Talk with your partner about things you would like to try.

But, Lipthrott said, don't try to coerce or shame your partner into something they are not comfortable with.

And don't assume just because they love you they always know how to turn you on.

"Teach each other how to be a good sexual partner," she said.

Understanding Matters

Sometimes, that means just understanding the needs of your spouse. In general, women like to feel connected to their partner in non-sexual ways. Lipthrott said. Men can do little thoughtful things to let a woman know he is thinking about her -- not just on the days you want to have sex.

"If she doesn't feel emotionally connected to you, you won't get any!" she said.

Women, however, should remember that sex is usually the primary way men feel connected and bonded.

"It is not because they don't care about you and only care about sex," she said. "For most men, those two are intertwined."

Ultimately, being open, honest and communicating with each other can not only lead to a better sex life, but can help avoid any underlying rejection or resentment.

"Because being sexual is such a place of vulnerability, it can be a place of deep sensitivity," Lipthrott said.

One thing to keep in mind is that every relationship is different. If you have tried to work on the relationship and are still having problems, both experts recommend speaking to a doctor.

This is a great article Randy found on CNN.com. He sent it my way because, well he is sweet and knows I like these sort of articles, but also because I just experienced something similar with one of my Bridesmaids. It is a costly expense saying "Yes" to becoming a maid of honor or a Bridesmaid. I know, I have been in a few weddings. It certainly is not for everyone, especially if money is already an issue in that individuals life. Read on...


(LifeWire) -- The TV no longer sits on a moving box, but she's still using filing cabinets as end tables. Desiree Jacobsen graduated from college years ago, so why does her apartment resemble a dorm room? It's hard to save for the finer things when you've had to shell out money to be in five weddings in one year, three times as maid of honor.

Expert says to detail expenses early in planning and compromise if cost is a concern.

"I shop at the Salvation Army quite a bit to save money," says Jacobsen, 26, a medical editor in Dallas.

Being a bride's maid or matron of honor is a distinction many women cherish. But it also comes with a cost.

On top of the traditional expenses of wedding attire, transportation and chipping in for a gift from the bridesmaids, maids of honor can wind up hosting bridal showers, bachelorette parties and even the co-ed Jack and Jill party -- often footing the bill entirely.

Expectations are reaching bridezilla proportions, a trend Anna Post, spokeswoman for the Emily Post Institute and great-great-granddaughter of the etiquette authority, attributes in part to the extensive coverage of celebrity weddings on television and in style magazines.

Many bridesmaids are left torn between maintaining a friendship and breaking the bank.

Tough to say no

When Sarah de Maintenon, a 33-year-old real estate agent in Syracuse, New York, agreed to be her best friend's maid of honor two years ago, the economy was good and houses were selling like hot cakes.

But the currently slow real-estate market means that money has become tight as the big day -- scheduled for October -- slowly approaches.

"I seriously just didn't know. I thought it was just a bachelorette party," says de Maintenon of the events she was expected to throw and attend. Her distress over the destination wedding sent her seeking advice online. The advice she received was simple, but effective: Talk to her friend and be honest about her situation.

"I contemplated telling her I couldn't do it, but I couldn't break her heart," she says. "I was afraid it would cause an argument ... I didn't want to ruin her wedding day."

Jacobsen hasn't skipped a wedding, but she did once skip the pre-wedding bridal portrait, which she would have had to travel out of town to participate in, because she was short on money and vacation time.

"She was upset with me for a little while, but it quickly blew over because I started planning for her bachelorette party." When feelings get hurt, Jacobsen says, she tries not to take it personally. "It's usually because of the stress of the wedding."

Etiquette rules vs. reality

Is all this necessary? Are brides asking too much of their friends?

Post says that contrary to popular belief, the bridal shower isn't the maid of honor's obligation. Traditionally, a close friend would throw a bridal shower for the bride, and sometimes that person is also the maid of honor. But expenses can be agreed upon in advance and shared by the entire wedding party. And though there may be multiple parties thrown for the happy couple, Post says, the maid of honor is not required to go.

"That's not true," claims Kim Bohnert, a 32-year-old teacher in San Francisco. She's served nine stints as maid of honor and considers herself an expert bridesmaid.

She insists that the entire bridal party -- especially the maid of honor -- is expected to attend all parties and shell out for a gift each time.

Going for broke

Whether popular wisdom requires such a commitment or not, there's a very real limit to what women can afford.

Bohnert agreed to be her cousin's maid of honor, even though she was maxed out on her credit cards, and the many expenses included a $500 Sae Young Vu dress. "I'm still in debt because of it," she says.

Ma'ayan Geller, a part-time student and assistant physical therapist in San Francisco, was glad to hear her friend wanted to be sensitive to the financial constraints of her wedding party. But when Geller, one of the bridesmaids, suggested a cheap Las Vegas package for the bachelorette party, the bride gave her the boot, saying she wasn't being serious enough about her commitment to the wedding.

"I had already bought the dress -- close to $300 -- which was a lot for me at the time," Geller, 23, remembers. "I think it could have been done in a better way."

Geller still attended the wedding, partially because all her friends were there and also because she wanted to support the bride, "although the friendship kind of ended after that."

Making it work

In Post's experience, a wedding is a collaboration, and the wedding party often tries to find a solution that works for everyone. "When something difficult arises, I've seen brides put on the brakes rather than force something on someone," she says.

Jeri Kadison, a bridal coach in New York, says communication is key: Detail expectations early, and if something sounds too expensive, compromise and brainstorm other ideas, she advises.

"It's the bride's responsibility to be compassionate and considerate," she says.

That strategy worked for de Maintenon. She and her bride talk almost every day. Instead of renting a restaurant, they're having a barbeque. Instead of renting a beach house, they're all staying with a girlfriend.

It's also OK to say no, Post says. "You can decline. Just do it early."

De Maintenon recently declined when one of her best friends asked her to be the maid of honor, and her friend wasn't upset.

"She knows that I'll do anything else to help out in any way."

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